Making love

When on our own, my colleague Marcelino (33) tells me his life stories, that must for a great deal be examplary of many young people here.
How he came from his community to San Cristobal to study (high school and later agricultural technical education) and work in a house of rich people at his 15. ¨I learned to clean and cook and be on my own, away from my family. From my Dad with its strong character and my suffering mother, whom he would often beat up.¨
How he got to know his wife Carmen, who had come from another community to study nursery. How they were girlfriend and boyfriend for five years, before ¨getting together (as we never officially got married, althoug I call her my wife)¨.
¨Of course I became excited when I saw her, but no one had ever told me anything about women. After a few years I wanted to make love to her. And she to me. But we did not have a clue how that was supposed to be done. One evening the house lady was away and we were alone. We knew that ´it´ was going to happen, that we both wanted it, but she lay on her back with her legs together and I did not know what to do either, so we just touched. Many weeks passed after which one day we finally understood how love was made.
But since we did not know how children were made, we did not know how to prevent them coming either. She got pregnant before we finished our studies. I could not tell this to my parents, as my father would certainly have hit me. I still lived on his money and tried to manage the new situation with a family to take care of. When passed my final exam, I finally told him I was father already.¨
I asked him if they were not scared to become parents, so young. ¨No, we were not afraid, because we simply did not realize what it meant to have a child, how much diapers and medicines cost. She decided to stop her studies, I wanted to too. I felt guilty living with my father´s money, but she urged me not to leave it with only a few more months to complete. Our relationship was different then it is now, we did not plan, did not sit down to talk what would you like, what is best for you? It was just trying to cope with what came by. Before having the child, we broke up many times over petty things. But we had to grow up fast with the child and we started to understand each other everyday better.¨
Their next two children came six and seven years later. To Marcelino I dare to ask what method of contraception they use. I am curious to know as many indigenous people are negative about the contraceptive pill, as the hormones causes problems to the women and condoms are excessively expensive and very impopular (¨That is more something for when you go to the whores¨). He explains me that he always ´pulls back before coming´ and that that works really well.
During all my life I have been educated that coitus interuptus or ´leaving the church before the singing´ as we call it in Dutch, would not be safe at all. But ever since people (even docters) have told me it has worked perfectly for them and scientific research confirms their view. When I ask a health worker here why then it is not included in teachings world wide on contraception, she voices the typical answer: ¨Oh no, that is a method that requires men to keep their head cool during sex, to be very mature and practised and is not pleasant for the man nor for the woman.¨ I: ¨But when it is practised correctly it is a safe method? ¨ She: ¨Well yes.¨
It just sounds a little patronizing to me, giving people the wrong information, denying them the choice for a free form of anticonception, just because someone decides for them that they ¨will not enjoy sex this way and are far too irresponsible to practise it anyway.¨ It might for some people be the only way of family planning that they culture, pocket or health allows... and more pleasurable than condoms.