Direct Dutch

One of the things I had already learned a little in England, but have learned a lot more here is: what a direct culture I come from. An Englishman once told me:
¨If an English friend asks me if I want a cup of tea, I will always answers no at first. The question is then repeated once or twice `Are you sure you don`t want a cup of tea?` Then I would answer: `Well, if you were going to make some for yourself...´ or ´Well, if it is not too much of a hassle...´ and reluctantly accept.
If a Dutch friend asks me if I want a cup of tea and I answer, no. I will be left without a drink.¨

Here people are way more polite and diplomatic in their ways of expression. Compared to Spain, you hear a lot of Usted (U) and a lot more `Por favor` (Please). If you leave a room before other or want to pass by, you say `Con permiso (with permission)´ and the others will answer `Permiso proprio´.

The cautiousness in discussing politics is something I still find hard. Especially from foreigners giving opinions on national matters is not appreciated by everyone. I have felt this much more though with the middle class studied youth than with people in the communities. It seems to me they have a been taught that the ¨Western¨ or so-called developed countries are superior and this causes a low self-esteem. This low self-esteem is rebelling with their proudness existing at the same time. When a simple opinion (in the Dutch tradition discussions are open to everyone) is voiced it is felt like an attack, by one of those `Europeans that always know better, but look at your own country etc.´ Therefore I always add examples of things that are negative in my country when we start to talk about corruption, health service or anything else. Trying to make comparisons, trying to convey very much that there are positive and negative things both here and there, but that we can hopefully learn from each other...

Another point I have especially struggled with during my research, is the evasiveness in answering questions. During my lessons in tseltal, I came across the following example.
In tseltal, but I later understood also in Mexican-Spanish a common answer to ´Who are you looking for?´ is ´I am looking for somebody´. This is an indirect way to say that you do not want to say who you are looking for. To my Dutch ears this sounds ridiculous, the closest that I can think of for a logical answer would be ¨Mm, not someone you know¨.
When I asked people: ¨Have a lot of things changed during the last years here in the community?¨
Reply: ¨Oh yes, very much¨.
I: ¨So what has changed then?¨
Reply: ¨Yes, much has changed.¨
I: ¨But what has changed?¨
Reply: ¨Yes.¨
And I swear, that was not just my poor Spanish or tseltal!
So I had to make a lot of effort to make my questions very concrete (best being in the field!) or being very creative in making them talk. I obtained most of my information from stories. The story telling requires some trust and it was nice to see how that was build up.

A last example shows the difficulty of intercultural relationships, when in the two cultures the relation between what you say and what you mean is a little different:
If a Mexican woman tells you she never wants to hear of you anymore, please do not take that literally! Damn European men that respect such wishes ;-)